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Kalona, Iowa

Newspaper Article Archive of
The Kalona News

May 24, 2018 Right-wing peeved they have no witty comedians
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Ah-hah. At last. Fox News talking heads were finally taking President Donald Trump to task for his numerous insults about women’s appearances and his vulgar language.

But yikes, I then discovered their mock outrage was directed toward comedian Michelle Wolf’s blistering standup routine at the recent White House Correspondents’ Dinner.

A lot has been written about Wolf’s speech, with most of the wrathful condemnation coming from right-wing pundits and Trump lackeys – who continually turn blind eyes to Trump’s own juvenile tantrums, personal insults, misogynistic comments and blatant untruths.

But I know the real reason behind their ire – they’re peeved that they have no witty right-wing comedians. There’s a humor gap that makes the Grand Canyon look like Trump’s hair part.

It’s not that they haven’t tried. Fox News debuted “The Half-Hour News Hour” 10 years ago. Creator Joel Surnow described the program as skewed from the right.

Fox wanted a counterweight to such popular liberals as Jon Sewart, Stephen Colbert and Bill Maher. It lasted one season.

Critics, evidently its audience, too, found the show dull and the jokes heavy-handed and predictable. Another reason for the show’s failure is that typical Fox audience members possibly have no sense of humor – they just can’t take a joke.

I’m sure Trump wasn’t laughing about Wolf’s line, “It’s 2018, and I’m a woman, so you can’t shut me up, unless you have Michael Cohen wire me $130,000.”

And it must be almost too easy for comedians to come up with jokes about our truth-challenged president and his bumbling minions.

Alex Baldwin claims Trump is the head writer for Saturday Night Live because 90 percent of his Trump impersonation lines are actual Trump quotes.

Every day new absurd and repellent revelations come out of the current administration.

There’s the reversal to Trump’s initial statement that he didn’t know about the hush money paid to porn star Stormy Daniels. He now also admits that he did reimburse his attorney for the $130,000 payoff. This was not a rare burst of honesty. They had to. The feds have that information after carrying out search warrants on Cohen.

The latest is Trump’s bogus fury regarding a leak of the 49 topics the Russian meddling investigators would like to quiz Trump about. His was another sham attack on the “witch hunt.”

It is now pretty evident that the leak originated from within the White House.

I have to admit that with late-night TV hosts and their stable of writers spewing out up-to-date jokes dealing with the ongoing White House chaos, it makes it hard for others like myself to come up with anything new.

As examples:

• I don’t approve of political jokes. I have seen too many of them get elected. Jon Sewart.

• Obviously, Trump didn’t invent racism. If he had, it would have gone bankrupt years ago. Samantha Bee.

• Donald Trump is the gift that keeps on giving … women the creeps. Seth Meyers.

• Trump has only two options for illegal immigrants: “Get out!” or “Marry me.” Jimmy Kimmel.

• Trump has filed so many bankruptcies that his children have receding heir lines. Michael Burch.

Other jokes that are unaccredited but were obviously not made by the far right, include:

• The only thing easier to buy than an AR-15 is a GOP candidate.

• If Donald Trump is elected, there’ll be hell toupee.

• Donald Trump’s favorite book of the Bible is Chapter 11.

• What’s the difference between God and Trump? God doesn’t think he’s Donald Trump.

• Why won’t Congress impeach Trump? Republicans always insist of carrying a baby to full term.

•What did Trump tell Obama supporters? Orange is the new black.

• What did Trump do before criticizing illegal immigrants? He made sure his pool was clean and his yard was mowed.

• Things I trust more than Trump: Flint, Michigan tap water, gas station sushi, Bill Cosby as the bartender, Tom Brady putting air in my tires.

I would have stopped there, but my word count totaled 666, the same as the address for Trump son-in-law Jared Kushner’s proposed 1,400-foot tall skyscraper on Fifth Avenue, New York City.

The project adds another 40 floors to the white elephant purchased right before the 2008 economic crash. Besides 666 being the mark of the beast, I could tell Trump had input to the new tower’s design – it is rather phallic, but then, as Sigmund Freud once said, “Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.”

So, to conclude this column, if any far-right readers find themselves indignantly outraged by its content, I guess it would only go to prove my point.

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